Another word for default: hard work and success in life

O, yes, hard work and too much of it. There are days and weeks like that where I tend to default and fall back on routines to such an extent that I navigate entire days on auto-pilot. That’s not to be dramatic, but for me it’s a link back to former times, and in some way I think that it helps me see more of a continuity in human history, our condition and all that stuff. 

The work gets done, and my guess is that most people don’t even notice what goes on behind the mask: we’re all more alike that you’d think, so that means that there must be a whole lot of people who operate from the same base-line. To some degree it brings up a whole other notion and line of questions like are you not treating yourself short? Or are you not treating others short?, but the simple fact of the matter is that there are stretches in life where you just need to pull through. Sometimes it’s as simple as that, and that also means that questions like that don’t always matter; at least not when you’re in the middle of it. 

Where does a base-line become a default

It does matter where you work blindly with no end in sight. And I fully realize that things aren’t always easy, and that there might be certain folks who might ‘have it easier’ than others, but there’s always an extent where you can take control of what’s going. This doesn’t mean that you can turn your life around just like that, but there’s always a nudge where you can pry something loose, and that might be the beginning of a next move. 

But believe me, it’s hard, especially when you reach that stage where you want to build something new like a next career or a business ---- it’s hard. Here’s the thing though: it’s hard for everyone, especially when you’re just starting out. To put it a different way: when you start on a new journey, you may need to make certain sacrifices that may actually lower your quality of life for a while. 

And that’s hard, because you have grown comfortable, your family has grown comfortable and people have come to see you as such-and-such (or at least that’s what you think). 

There’s one distinction though that’s of key importance, and that will decide whether you will stay stuck to that same base-line: that’s the distinction between leadership and management.

In itself you might think that these two only have to do with the management of businesses or government organizations, in that it applies to dealing with large numbers of people. That’s just a matter of scale, and you can easily scale the reasoning down to the least number of people: you. 

I always designate one day out of the week where I do my R&R, where I spend more time with my family, and where I analyze not just what goes in the world around us, but also whether I’m still on course to where I want my professional life to go. I like to refer to this as maintenance. All this is leadership: where you analyze where you stand, where you’re going, and whether you need to make any adjustments. 

Management on the other hand is just where you carry on and carry out, and this is the modus that most of us operate in during the week. And that’s perfectly fine, because to get anywhere, to advance your career, to build a better life for yourself and those around you: hard work is needed. That means putting in the hours and working towards something. 

It doesn’t mean working blindly, because that will keep you stuck to that default, and, worse, you might get side-tracked without even noticing. 

Default equals wishful thinking

That’s much of the reason why just working hard isn’t enough. It’s essential to have an idea of where you’re going. In the first installment of Gaze wide, aim far I gave the example of Elon Musk who iterates this as that ‘most people tend to default to wishful thinking’. That’s exactly why a lot of businesses and such don’t stick around for more than a few years: they default to wishful thinking, while they should have devoted more time to the analysis of where they are and where they are heading. 

That means that people have got themselves stuck in management, while they should switch to leadership every now and then. This leadership doesn’t need to be all that hard. 

Before enrolling in a master of this-or-that, analyze projections of the job-market for the coming decade: will you find employment or will you be able to establish a business? If it doesn’t seem like there will be any opportunity: don’t do it.

Before starting a computer-repair business: is there a business as such in your vicinity? How long have they been in business? What are their rates? What are their expenses? What is their rent? How many employees do they have? What is their online presence? How prosperous do those folks seem? If it doesn’t seem viable: don’t do it. 

Before becoming a delivery guy/gal: ask the same questions, and ask additional ones: is there a large competitor? Do people like working there? In this case you might realize that there isn’t much of a market, and that’s when you can continue looking for opportunities that are very local, where you might be able to have an edge because of a more personal relationship, etc etc. 

One thing though about how it seems these days that everyone is becoming their own brand, and where everyone should want to be their own boss. The reality is that a lot of us either don’t have the ambition to be self-employed, or they literally wouldn’t be able to pull it off. And that’s okay too. Working for yourself usually means working more and working harder than you would when you work for an employer. 

The whole point that I’m trying to get at here is that you need to become analytic and strategic from time to time. Wishful thinking is in the same line as that other default where people tend to become overly authentic and they basically state; this is who I am, and it isn’t going to change. A professional is always deliberate in their actions.

To an extent it makes sense, just like being wishful also makes sense to an extent. This is where it borders being confident towards the future, where you know that you can pull something off, both in relation to a profession and your ability to find employment. To put it another way: to an extent it’s about finding that sweet spot, but I must say that it may end up coming down more to a strategic analysis than being wishful and hopeful (in numbers, 70% strategy vs. 30% wishfulness, moxie and all that).

In summary

- on and off we all operate from a base-line in order to get the work done.

- to move forward takes dedication, hard work and sacrifice.

- to realize anything in the long run you will have to switch back and forth between personal leadership and management to stay on course

- before making a move, analyze whether the move makes sense and is feasible in the long run.

- wishful thinking is about 10% of the equation, it’s needed, but it’s not enough. 

Continue reading

Dystopian theories: the social controversy of global problems in relation to social equity issues
On what dystopian science-fiction movies can teach us about the social dilemmas that we're facing right now.


Persistence and determination: how to act more professional
On what it really takes to get an advantage and to get ahead.


Why do anything: thoughts on social issues and strength during tough times
On a very basic question that we have all asked ourselves at one time or other, and why the notion of it matters.

Dystopian theories: the social controversy of global problems in relation to social equity issues

I have always been a fan of science-fiction movies, some of my favorites in recent times are The Martian and that excellent sort-of-fiction documentary of National Geographic with that unassuming title: Mars. Then perhaps more fictional and more dystopian, the two Blade Runners, both the original and the one that was made 25 years later. 

There are obvious many more movies and series out there, but these are the ones that are the best ones by far. Partly because of the story, the acting, the special effects and the overall idea. I like the speculation in both The Martian and Mars of what it would be like on that first manned mission to the red planet, because as it seems now, either of those scenarios might play out: a man going solo, or a group of folks establishing a base. Then there’s always that unsaid notion that a trip to Mars might very well be a one-way trip, which always makes it feel even more claustrophobic and heroic in some warped way. 

Blade Runner hits closer to home with a future Los Angeles where few people live, and where the land outside the city has become a desert wasteland because of some big thing gone wrong. This one is so powerful on atmosphere and the tech in this movie is so plausible, in fact it’s too plausible, with robots gone rogue and the story centering around this underdog who lives his lonely life in this big old town. 

In a way I wish there was some sort of bridge between those two vastly distinct, but also vastly interesting universes. The thing is just that neither of those universes in the Mars-movies or the Blade Runner-movies are places where you would want to live. They are more like the kind of places where you would want to spend some time, as some place in some far of future, or just to spend time with that notion that one dystopia might just be that everything turns into one big Chinatown, a place that’s so alien to most of us, and that leans so overly heavy on tech, that it’s a place that you might contemplate or consider, but it’s ultimately not a place where you might actually want to live. 

What if it actually turns out to be a mix

Overly crowded, overly expensive, overly everything. Just considering the fact that a root problem for a lot of folks is that they feel entitled to this-or-that, and because of that people get into debt to start living above their means. This is kind of the overly that I’m getting at here, and a very simple fix would be to start living a simpler life, more than just one notch below overly.

Then the next question is how that will dodge a dystopian future, because all those futures will have become ‘unlivable’ because of the big problems that are caused by all of us. This is where it relates to that ‘disaster’ that turned the land outside of Los Angelos into a wasteland desert. We all know this, we all see this, but it’s very few of us who are actually able and willing to small initial sacrifices that might end up not just dodging the wasteland, but it might also end up dodging our own demise. 

The apocalyptic as a social dilemma

Of course these movies are fictions of what the future might actually be like, but at the same time they are metaphors of our lives as we live them right now. We’re all aware of the big dilemmas of our time: one is the decay of democracy and the rise of social inequalities (1% vs. 99%), with expensive housing, healthcare and education. 

If we look beyond that then we reach the social dilemmas that are in some ways more obvious: to minimize the impact of climate change we should all use less fossil fuels. To solve the waste-problem we should all buy items that produce less plastic waste and that can be repaired and safely dismantled once no longer of use. 

The thing is just that, and I stated this before, when it comes down to it, most people aren’t all that noble in that they should care about the Big Issues, but at the end of the day we’re more motivated by Me and Mine, and by extension we don’t think that far ahead. And of course, this is an understandable mechanism, I mean, how else can you go on living? Most of us have enough problems to deal with ourselves. Right?

Maybe then it’s more about ideas

I personally refuse to leave things like this where they are at, because that just means caving in and giving up. That’s not the kind of attitude that I want to have when it comes to anything, and at the same time I realize that a lot of this comes down to government policy.

Now most of us are not politicians, but what we can all do is to put ideas ‘out there’. This means most of all to be in the now. That was more or less my reasoning behind writing the second installment of Gaze wide, aim far: to do anything and to realize any ambition, you need to know what’s going on in the world around us. 

At the same time, there are the obvious things that we can do, and what a lot of us are already doing: lean towards smaller houses, driving electric, composting and all such things. It may be a small start, but it might just pave the way towards a better tomorrow.

In summary

- The Martian, Mars and Blade Runner are great because they give a very visceral idea of our future

- The big problems of dystopian movies are ultimately caused by all of us

- The big problems are social dilemmas that can be solved with powerful government policies (to a large extent)

- To contribute to the solution, you need to be in the know

Continue reading

Persistence and determination: how to act more professional
On what it really takes to get an advantage and to get ahead.


Why do anything: thoughts on social issues and strength during tough times
On a very basic question that we have all asked ourselves at one time or other, and why the notion of it matters.


What makes a man (or a woman): how to deal with procrastination
On what makes a real man (or woman) and how you can take your first steps towards that today.

Persistence and determination: how to act more professional

For years I believed that statement that the reason that I’m not extremely rich and successful is because I don’t have any specific talent, that I’m not extremely smart and that I don’t have the proper education. But over time there’s this little truth that manifests itself, based on my experience and what I observe around me. 

Does the reason that I have over a decade in my current profession prove that I have some sort of talent that I’m born with, or does it show that I just ‘stuck it out’. I tend to lean more and more towards that second one. And this really is a sobering insight, because it’s one notch below approaching a profession as a craft that requires certain steps and procedures. This is much more primal, much more guttural, this is just toughing it out and sticking with something until you’re there (or you’re stuck, but that’s not what I want to get at here….). 

And if I look around me at folks of my age that have higher positions, or that have a bigger job that earns way more money, it’s more often than not that it seems to me that they aren’t that much smarter than me, but still they ended up in that different position. Based on that alone, you might reason like, maybe they’re better connected, maybe they have certain skills, maybe they have some insight in human nature that allowed them to position themselves as such. Or did they just board a train that ended up there?

It’s an interesting thought-experiment, it’s sobering, like I said, but it isn’t exactly ‘hopeful’. Just look at politics. A lot of the politicians that are in high places definitely have the people skills to manipulate themselves into high positions, but are they that bright, that talented and that smart? The only exception that I can think of right now would be Obama, I’m still a big fan, and a far second would be Verhofstadt, former prime minister of Belgium. 

Those two definitely have the ‘It’-factor, and when you look at the world of business there are a few other individuals that have that same factor, but as a percentage of the entire work-force, they are definite outliers. Most people are like the rest of us, or worse. 

If it’s all going downhill from here, then what?

This whole notion isn’t exactly encouraging, but it does one thing for sure: it levels the playing field. If most people are just like you and me, then it means that it shouldn’t be that hard to create an edge. 

If the statistics of streaming services are any measure, then it’s almost like most people spend hours on end spaced out, watching pulpy series with little or no depth. I mean, if that’s what you’re up against, then this era that we’re in right now is better than ever, because the other side is that YouTube is full of the best teachers on any subject, career, mentoring and whatnot. 

And if just a skill-set isn’t what you’re after, then you can even unroll in online universities. That’s not to say that this is the only way, but it’s just part of that whole notion that most people don’t do what you’re doing right now. Most people don’t read informed articles, most people don’t try to get a deeper understanding into what’s going on around us right now, most people are content with just to go on living. 

And if that is what works, then there’s nothing wrong with that. I lost years to exactly that mind-set, by going out on the town on most nights of the week, with making a lot of friends, with having a lot of fun basically. I don’t regret it one bit and I still have many fond memories of that time. 

And if you’re in that situation where life just rolls out like that, then you should definitely dive right in, because there will always be this ‘end-point’ where you either had enough and you realize that it’s time to move on, or it’s enough because you hit rock bottom. The thing is just that live isn’t just about making a career and making it big, but more than that it’s about human connection.

And this might be a side-note, but in my experience there are always these stretches where I tend to work really hard on something, and then I take my time to relax, and to get a reorientation as to what’s going on. But what I always try to do is to keep track of that which is important: the people that I care about the most, my family. 

How does all this make me into a professional?

Well, this one ain’t that hard, or at least, when you want to get there half-way: act as if you’re already there. In psychology there’s this well known principle, and I’m just going to call it the facial-feedback-principle: the way that you express your facial muscles actually influences how you feel. So if you look happy, at least some degree, you’re actually going to feel happy. 

By extension, the same principle might very well apply to more overt behavior, and that’s how acting can be a first step of creating a mind-set towards a new career. Obviously it takes much more, because if you’re just acting, it won’t take too long for people to figure out that you have no idea what you’re talking about. But if you combine this idea with actual knowledge, from YouTube or pursuing an online master, then you will definitely stand a fair chance of creating the best opportunity that you can possibly have.

The rest should be obvious by now, and at the risk of repeating myself, a professional always acts a certain way, and that means that the actions of a professional are always deliberate. 

In my current profession there might be times when things get to you, and you get emotionally involved. That’s why we had this saying in one of the schools that I worked for: if you’re emotionally involved, you can’t act professionally. This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t act on ‘what feels right’ and all such things, because if anything, we need more of that, it’s just that when you’re too involved you can’t always make the best decision. And like all principles, it’s a loose guideline. 

In summary:

- to make it in a career, to a large extent, has to do with ‘toughing it out’.

- to a large degree, most people that hold a higher function than ours aren’t brighter or more talented, they just stuck it out in a different trajectory.

- if most people aren’t smarter than us, and they binge watch on series and movies at night, then it’s easier to get an edge.

- when life is fun, when you have the opportunity to go out a lot and to have a lot of fun, enjoy the ride, until it’s time to move on

- make family a priority

- act as if you’re already there, and combine this with acquiring the appropriate skill-set.

Continue reading:

Gaze Finder TV: On principles and brevity
On the way principles can make us better at what we do, and the way brevity makes us seem more knowledgeable.


Axis pandemic-recession: how to solve social inequalities
On the real problems that the recession has unveiled, and how we as a society might turn all of that around.


Career change in your mid 30s: some ideas to get you started
On steering your career into a different direction, and the difference between doing this in your mid-30s versus mid-20s. 

Why do anything: thoughts on social issues and strength during tough times

When I was 19 I tried reading Either or, the first published work of Kierkegaard. I’m not entirely sure what I was expecting to get out of it, possibly ‘wisdom’, ‘insight’ or basically anything that could confirm that I was heading in the right direction, that what I was doing was making sense, and that it was the right thing to do. Does anyone know anything at 19? At 19 you’re a year into ‘adulthood’ and even though it has been some years since for me, is what I’m in now ‘adult’?

I like the way Stephen King writes about being 19 in the introduction of The Gunslinger. It’s as breezy as ever, with many open doors, but it still hits a chord, because I can definitely remember feeling that way; that the world was at my feet, that I had jack-shit of an idea of where I was heading, much less that I had much of a notion of what I was getting into at the time. Yes, I have been there. We all have.

It was in Either or that I read that notion of a kid of 19, who was rich, but this was the 19th century, so that’s relative, and he asked himself this very simple question: why do anything? His reasoning was that he probably wouldn’t get any richer than he was at the moment, his life wouldn’t become more comfortable, and it probably wouldn’t become ‘better’, so there it was, that same question: why do anything?

Some time ago I was watching re-runs of The X-files, which was basically my favorite tv-show when I was growing up, and then there was this one episode where Fox Mulder and Dana Scully are stuck on a boat in the middle of a lake at night, trying to go after some murderous creature that was supposed to live there in the deep of the water. That scene on the boat must have been an improv by Duchovny, because there it was, that same question, and he related it to this notion that if you were a pirate with a wooden leg and a hook for a hand, then simply to go on living would be enough, but we, the rest of us, we have to be out there, we have to have a purpose and we have to make something of ourselves.

I really liked that scene, and if you’re interested, the episode is titled S3E22 Quagmire. That statement of Mulder really ties in to the why do anything?, because the fact of the matter is that if you have less to choose from, then there’s less of a choice to make. The statement works, because we know about those pirates from cartoons and movies, but they’re not flesh and bone people, but we can still extend the idea to folks that are nearer to our proximity.

So then, really, why do anything?
In a way this is a tough one, it’s one for debate, but it’s also a luxury to even ask this question. It’s also meta, in the sense that it’s almost a question about a question (just leaving out the ‘why’ turns from a future problem into an evaluation of the past), but at some point you just realize that the question is less essential than it seems to be.

Yes, you need to be deliberate about the way you spend your time. Yes, you need to do something that’s in line with your interests, character, temperament and all that. Yes, it needs to bring in enough money to sustain yourself and possibly your family. Yes, it needs to be something that gets you excited enough to be able to get up in the morning.

This last one is an ideal, obviously, because there are many folks who are stuck in their job, who either never liked it to begin with, or those who have reached that point where it becomes essential to move on to other and to bigger things. Over time the ‘why do anything?’ slowly morphs, it drifts away, and from time to time it pops up like a relic from the past, “Oh, yes, that old lot.”

To a large degree, a lot of this stuff is much simpler than we make it out to be. You may lean into philosophy, but you might also lean into it from a more nimble, and a much easier intent: it’s just human nature to do things. There are very few of us, hopefully, who are content to not do anything.

That in itself is a message of hope, and I fully realize that, and by extent I believe that it will be very hard for us to go on living without ideas and notions as such. Tied into this one is that most people are basically decent and are willing to do the right thing. With that in mind, it almost becomes child-like:
“Why do I have to do this?”
“Because it’s the right thing to do.”

That in itself is so simple, but it’s also something that’s very easy to overlook. Even this, those two lines, show that there’s another element to that initial question as well: why do anything? It isn’t just singular and personal, but it greatly involves other people and new experiences. Which is the stuff that ‘kind of happens’, but that’s an inherent reward in anything that you commit yourself to doing.

That’s it?
There’s this other principle that I became more aware of as the pandemic unfolded: if more people are doing really good, then it ultimately benefits all of us. This is a very interesting concept, and it ties in to the way that a lot of companies go about their business these days: they freely give away knowledge, while they charge heavily for doing the work for you.

In itself this seems like a contradiction, because if you give away knowledge for free, then people don’t need your business. In fact, it will even make it easier for others to set up a business that might become a fierce competitor. In reality, this is not how it works, because what it does most of all is that it increases the size of the pie, but it’s also a way of building an expert reputation, it’s a peek behind the scenes and a way to build a customer relation.

Most recently I saw this principle being used by Louis Rossman (Apple repair), the Dutch Farmer (how to grow your food), the Courtney Project (self-publishing). This is also how society has changed: these three individuals are very active on YouTube and in their specific niche they tell you exactly how to turn an initial interest into a business.

The bottom-line here isn’t just that the best teachers are on YouTube, but most information is freely available, which in theory makes it much easier to turn thing around and to build that better life. But it doesn’t happen just like that. In fact, building a better life is a lot of hard work, but I do believe that the work-part is bigger than the difficulty-part. You know that statement, right: 1% inspiration, 99% hard work. Which you might even translate into something like: plan for a few hours once a week, and use the rest of the time to carry out those plans.

In summary:
- Why do anything? Is meta, but it’s also an over-analysis: we do things, because it’s human nature. Nothingness is anti-human.
- Why do anything? Is social, because doing things gets us in contact with other people, which is another inherent part of human nature.
- Doing anything, and doing it well is a step towards solving social issues.
- Doing anything and doing it well is also more ‘hard work’ than it is ‘difficult work’.
- The best teachers are on YouTube and they will show you the way.

Continue reading

Self-improvement retreats: determination to succeed
On deliberate activity and relaxation to get new perspectives to succeed.




Living autobiographically: how to use narrative identity
On writing the story of our lives in such a way that we can live with ourselves.




Choose another path: how to identify opportunities in life
On figuring out what you're made of and when to seize opportunity.

What makes a man (or a woman): how to deal with procrastination

“What makes a man Mr. Lebowski,” the old geezer in the wheelchair asked, “Is it to do whatever it takes? Is it to succeed against all odds? Is it to go the extra mile?”
“That, yes,” the Dude said, leaning into a pun, “That and a pair of testicles.”

I wasn’t exactly going for precision here, but you get the point, right. And hopefully you get which movie this line is from. The question is one that we should ask ourselves every now and then, and in this case it’s What makes a man? Sometimes the answer is surprisingly simple, and in its simplicity it makes total sense: a man gets things done. 

In itself an answer this simple is a bit disappointing, because you’d expect great things like warriors, pioneers, and adventurers and all that stuff that links to these histories when life was rough, violent and short, and ---- to these rugged ideas of manhood. Bar fights, saloons, lone warriors and all that good stuff. But no, just this: a man gets things done. And in all of this, man applies to women as well (obviously).

But the simplicity of this whole statement doesn’t cut close to one of the issues that most of us deal with, a lot of the time. How to deal with procrastination. And this one that we all fall into every now and then, when it’s early in the morning, it’s cold outside and you feel like staying in and doing nothing and everything. And before you know it, you have spend the day watching YouTube, playing video games watching movies and all that stuff. Which is good from time to time, but which isn’t the stuff that careers are build on. 

Then the other side is there as well, where you become so obsessed that whatever you do has become a compulsion that you spend every waking minute on. Even though, on a side-note, if you look at highly successful individuals, they usually spend an insane number of hours on what they do, and part of that hard work has contributed to their success.

So what you should aim at, more or less, is somewhere in the middle, that spot where you’re ambitious, where you get things done, but where you also make time for your family. Balance and all those things. To some degree you might say that there might be a woman that keeps you in check, live in some far off place without too many temptations, parenthood that shifts priorities, and all such things. But all this kind of revolves around that notion of what comes first: will you find a good partner and then get your act together, or is it the other way around?

I guess you know by now what I’m all about, and which comes first in my book: sorting yourself out is the best advise at any given time, because that will help you figure out what you’re made of, what you’re capable of doing, and all such things that ultimately give you a very fine view of what you want out of life. 

This want might be very essential, because that implies that you have a greater part in all of it than ‘circumstances that just happened to you’, and it gives you a clear indication of where to start. And just make sure that I spell it out so that there’s no miscommunication: anywhere. Of course it’s always good to read up on strategies such as in articles like these, but you should definitely check youtube and all that to get yourself all riled up and ready for action. 

Then your strategy becomes this: just get started. At first it doesn’t matter that much where you start. Just compare it to doing the dishes or mowing the lawn: cups first, plates first, utensils first? It doesn't really matter. At first it’s more about the habit of getting started, and then the rest will follow easily. It’s said that if you do something for 7 times, then the 8th time it has become a habit. 

And a habit is exactly what will pull you through when you feel yourself getting lazy, when you want to stay in bed, when you want to stay in for the day, and all that stuff. Creating a habit is the most important thing that you can create after you put yourself out there to just get started. 

Then when you’re in the habit you should do some definite soul-searching. Start close to home; start by figuring out why your family members and close friends ended up in the careers that they did. More often than not you will share character, temperament and interests, which will go a long way of lining you up for a certain career. I wrote about this at length in the first installment of Gaze wide, aim far, but I just wanted to put it out there, because it’s a definite and an early step in establishing a new direction in life. 

Of course there are all kinds of micro-management tricks from thereon. For example, the two-minute rule (something that takes less than two minutes should be done right away), using a timer during which you will work on nothing but your new career, dedicating a specific place in your home where you will always sit to work towards your new career, arranging with your family or other people that you’re in proximity that you will not be disturbed during that time, connecting with other folks that are in a similar process, or preferably one or a few steps ahead. 

Beyond that I don’t want to overwhelm you, because any new beginning will be hard at first, but as with everything, after that it will become much easier. Just get started would be the take-home message. 

In summary:
- a real man (/a real woman): he or she gets things done.
- the solution to procrastination is in balancing things out, and avoiding the other end (obsession).
- sort yourself out before engaging in a new path, be it a career or a long-term relationship.
- just get started, and start by building the habit of just getting started.
- after the 7th time, something has become a habit.
- start close at home by figuring out which professions run among your family and friends.
- consider micro-management after that.

Continue reading:

Self-improvement retreats: determination to succeed
On deliberate activity and relaxation to get new perspectives to succeed.



Living autobiographically: how to use narrative identity
On writing the story of our lives in such a way that we can live with ourselves.



Choose another path: how to identify opportunities in life
On figuring out what you're made of and when to seize opportunity.

Self-improvement retreats: determination to succeed

To realize anything in life you will need determination, grit, the willingness to go the extra mile, and you will have to work harder than everyone else. But that’s not all it takes: to get ahead in anything you need to work smarter. You need to have a general idea of where you’re heading, how you’re going to get there, and how you will stay ahead in your game. 

This doesn’t mean that you need to be the first. In every human pursuit you will be inspired by role-models that were there before you. When you initially walk down that same road, you will have this notion that you will never be like them, and that’s why you will not succeed. Here’s a funny little thing though: if you stick around long enough, you will realize that you will never do things like your role-models, because you’re not them. You have your own ideas, your own angles, your own wisdom, your own personality and that’s how you fill those shoes. 

When it comes to new pursuits, it’s rarely the case that it’s the first player who wins and dominates the field for decades to come. It’s usually a good second or third that’s able to see what the first player doesn’t see: small improvements and tweaks that the first one wasn’t able to come up with. Google, Apple, Facebook: they were all seconds. But what’s more: these companies were all man-made, which makes this an analogy for your career and ambitions as well.

Running as an analogy
When I studied physics and philosophy there were stretches that I needed to wrap my head around ideas at a higher pace than I was used to, so I needed to find a new angle. I gave running a try and as it turned out it was easy enough to get into, but to move beyond 3-4 miles was where it became more technical and therefore more difficult. This is where I needed to develop the right focus, which in my mind is laid out best in Chi-running. 

That was at the time of a second running craze: around 2000 it seemed that everyone was jogging. The premise is simple: it’s the ideal work-out that you can fit into any lifestyle. You just need a pair of shoes, shorts, a shirt and somewhere between 30 minutes and an hour to spare. Running gets you in shape, it builds stamina and it gets you to clear your head. I have been running for 15 years and it has been one of the work-outs that I keep coming back to. 

More recently I read an article about one of the guys who popularized running back in the 70s. I haven’t read his book yet, but it seems to be a classic (in case you’re interested, it’s titled The complete book of running). It was the book that started it all, and that’s also what first started Nike: it was initially geared towards running before they branched out towards basically all sports. 

These days there are quick seconds who makes better shoes: in my personal experience that’s Mizuno. I have stayed with this brand for  about a decade and I keep coming back for more. It has everything that you might want in good running shoes: comfortable, sturdy, supportive and lightweight. These are the shoes that I bought most recently, and those are the ones that I would consider buying next.

Run during the week, not while on retreat
Running is what keeps you going, and more. It clears your mind when busy, and it gives you that extra boost that you need to be on top of your game. It doesn’t mean that you can repeat this day in day out, in fact about one third of all folks who engage in sports over-train: they don’t incorporate rest-days to get the full benefit of a work-out. 

Rest days aren’t just important for your body, but also for your mental state. For the last fifteen years I have stuck to this very simple rule: no matter how busy it gets, I take one full day of rest. By rest I don’t mean just inactivity, but slow activities that help me get a better perspective, and that’s why I prefer to call it a retreat. 

These days it’s churned out over and over that all the big CEOs read about one book a week, and they attribute part of their success to reading a lot. In all honesty, my life is too busy to read one book per week, but I do aim at getting a better understanding of things on that one day of the week that I have set aside for my retreat.

It’s then that I look into sharpening my mind and to widen my gaze. Some days I pick up a book, I read long-forms that reflect on current events, I read up on blogs, and yes ---- I also watch my fair share of YouTube. The key is that throughout the day I force myself not to think, let alone spend time on my job or the pursuit of my second career. 

Just to be clear: that day of retreat isn’t just about you and your mind. It’s also the day that you spend just a little more time with your family. Those are the people that you should care for the most, and who care for you the most. Without a strong family unit you will not achieve anything, in fact that’s what Stephen King says about his family: he attributes his success to the fact that he has a family, not despite of that. 

During the last few months of lock-down there are a few books that inspired me the most: Rich dad, poor dad, Geopolitics of emotion and 7 habits of highly effective people. On my to-read list are The intelligent investor, and a few works of fiction, 11/22/63, The Gun Slinger and The Forgotten Island.

In summary
- quick seconds or thirds are usually more successful, because they dodge prior mistakes and are able to take a better perspective
- working-out helps you to recharge your batteries, both mind and body. By far the easiest and most effective work-out is running.
- build in a one-day retreat to sharpen your mind and spend time with your family.

Prime directive: Gaze wide, aim far.



Continue reading:

Living autobiographically: how to use narrative identity
On writing the story of our lives in such a way that we can live with ourselves.




Choose another path: how to identify opportunities in life
On figuring out what you're made of and when to seize opportunity.




Gaze Finder TV: On principles and brevity
On the way principles can make us better at what we do, and the way brevity makes us seem more knowledgeable.

Living autobiographically: how to use narrative identity

We all picked them up at one time or other: memoirs of famous people. By reading those stories, we hope to learn some tricks to become more successful ourselves. Or maybe it’s more at the surface, and it’s little more than fascination. The latest craze is of course Becoming by Michelle Obama, and the current anti-craze is Apropos of nothing by Woody Allen.

I haven’t read either, but I would imagine that I’d pick up the second one before the first. I mentioned the introduction of Manhattan in the third part of Gaze wide, aim far, because it’s visceral and it makes sense. Recap: a man (Allen) narrates clips of a city (Manhattan) and he drops about a dozen incomplete thoughts (fragments). Then fireworks erupt over the city and the classical music climaxes. 

If you have never seen Manhattan, then you should at least watch the introduction to understand what I’m talking about. This is one of those instances when something is ‘all of those things’, because many of our experiences are plural in the sense that they tend to mean something else to different people. That’s the human condition in a nutshell, and that’s okay.

Past and future as a continuum

Autobiographies are by definition accounts of a life lived, a looking back and a reflection when all things are set and done. It’s like a movie: once it’s written down, the story is the same every time around. But that’s when you write things down. If an autobiography stays in your mind, then it stays fluid and in a way past and future melt together in the face of a narrative that shifts and changes gears as we try to understand and comprehend.

And that’s another point right there: many times in life we do things without exactly knowing why. We either act on instinct, out of boredom, out of habit, or we’re urged by some outside force to get something done. Of course we tell ourselves that we have free will and all that, because we are all existentialists in that we try to define ourselves, and we’re nihilists when we don’t. What’s in the middle is much more interesting, or better yet: what’s ahead of us. 

There are a lot of modern problems that have to do with this inability to deal with a life lived. The most striking are still soldiers that come back home and crash and burn in ptsd. For most of us, we don’t have lives lived as soldiers, but it’s more everyday, and in a way more ‘real’. More times than not it has to do with something that happens outside of ourselves that we can’t deal with at the time, and that ends up wearing us down. 

In terms of fiction: the terror is outside of us. This is exactly the fictional premise that Stephen King started with and that he applied throughout his career and that he addressed with the simple question: what do ordinary folks do when faced with a terror? That’s the same mechanism like the inability of living with that life lived, but it’s that on another level. It has become acceptable, because it has created its own symbolism. 

This might be less of a leap than it seems at first. The way most of us deal with things that happened during the day is when we sleep (besides discussing things with our spouse or partner, but that’s a given, right?). When we sleep, we dream. Most of those are forgotten by the time we wake up, but those that we do remember are fantastic and over the top. 

Those dreams take on a reality and a symbolism that’s very much like works of fiction. How it works exactly isn’t well understood, but the base premise is that the subconscious kicks in and does the heavy lifting for us. When it doesn’t suffice, ptsd and all that other nasty stuff kicks in, and we have to find another angle in our waking life. 

This is obviously the extreme, and I didn’t intend to go there when I started this piece. Let’s paddle back a little.

Redirecting the narrative

Personal autobiographies are more than an account of a life lived, it’s more than a story as well, and that’s where we get by stretching up the notion of past and future, and mixing that with a narrative that changes over time, because of how we lived our lives, but most of all ---- how we look back on our lives. 

That’s where the whole fluidity comes back in. That’s where you are able to take your account of the past and how you feel about that past, and project it towards the future. That’s the point where the story becomes more than an account that’s written down at a certain time. That’s where a story becomes part of our identity. 

This was one of the first things that I discussed in part one of Gaze wide, aim far: to some degree, how we see ourselves is a story, and in fact ---- a narrative because it continues, and in that sense it makes sense to define it as the narrative identity. To do that you need to both reach back to the past and aim for the future. That’s what is meant by living autobiographically. 

By and large this is part of finding out who you are and where you stand. It’s sorting yourself out, it’s you figuring out who you are and this is one of the keys that’s needed to not just develop a wide gaze, but also to be able to aim far. Understanding yourself and the world around you is the width of the gaze, but to aim you need to know what’s within reach for yourself, and for that you need to have developed a keen sense of who you are. 

This is where it pays of to study biographies, to talk to mentors and family to figure out how they got to where they are today. If you manage to mix insights from those instances with a wider understanding of living autobiographically and narrative identity, then you will have a very powerful tool at your disposal. 

In summary

- autobiographies are aimed at understanding the past

- powerful fiction is written around a theme and will help you to understand the world around us (check out my fiction-blog to learn more about that; including my novels….)

- aiming personal autobiographies towards the future helps to create a narrative identity

- to some degree, changing the story of who we are can help us figure out who we are, and is called narrative identity

- mix this insight with studying how role-models created their success will widen your gaze, and help gear you up for success.

“Gaze wide, aim far!”

“More, more!”

“In a few days, partner.”

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Choose another path: how to identify opportunities in life

This here is a really big one, because let’s face it; no matter where we are in life there is always that very subtle and nagging notion of what life would be like on the other side. In hindsight it’s always easy to determine that we should have done this or that, but the simple fact of the matter is that life isn’t lived in hindsight. Life is lived by moving forward.

When I was about to turn 30 I did find myself near that cross-road where I felt that I needed to turn things around. By signing a contract for a three year job abroad, my initial thought was that I was just postponing having to this or that. But that’s also looking back, because three years can be long enough to start a little groove that can very well end up creating in a whole new path. 

I think that most of the reason that we want something else has to do with us not being happy with our current situation ----- whatever that may be. It’s very rarely the case that we choose another path, because things are going exactly the way we want them to go. This may seem like a trivial distinction, but it may be an essential element of you not having sorted yourself out as yet, or you running away from things. 

The not wanting, or the being stuck in a situation communicates immediacy, and a willingness and a need to act in the short-term. I guess you already know where I’m going with this, but here it comes still: to figure out a move generally takes more time than you have, or are willing to take.

When to cease opportunities

For opportunities to be viable there need to be a few things in place. Basic requirements are timing, the person and possibly a bit of money to get the ball rolling (and to buy more time if needed). But before any of this matters, you need to know what to look for and how to identify the right time to make a move.

In an earlier post I was commenting why Good Samaritan isn’t that much of a song, and even though it’s about the anti-shoulder to cry on, there’s one line that makes total sense: “I’m not the one to sort you out.”. This one is so simple and it cuts so close to the truth that it’s easy to miss. This is the stuff that takes time, and that’s a turnout of a life lived. This one mostly depends on you.

For any of that you need to have some skin in the game: it’s about what you know about life, what gets you riled up, what gets you upset and all that. To have any of that, you need to have at least a small bit of the lived life. You need to have experienced success, but more than that, you need to have lived through that experience of failure, when you hit the ground running. That’s where you get to find out what kind of person you are, what you’re made of, what you stand for, and what is and isn’t within your realm of possibilities. 

These evenings during dinner we’re watching parts of a rerun of the Giro d’Italia. I never really watched this tour, and in all honesty it’s more fun than its popular counterpart (Tour de France): the Giro is a story about men that battle through snowy mountains, flat roads, dirt roads, rain and all that. 

To be a runner is hard and in a way I wouldn’t wish a life like that to my worst enemy, but at the same time: it’s heroic. It’s about things that most of us are unable to do. What sets it apart for me is that small notion that as a runner there will be at least one moment in the year where you literally hit the ground running. You will open your skin, break some bones and run the possibility of death. It’s like fighting a war without all the political non-sense. 

Most of those runners work towards those tours for years: they might start training in their teens, but it’s only when they peak in their twenties and thirties that they enter the hardest of these races. That means that there are literally years of preparation, of figuring out whether they are cut out for any of this, besides the literal competitions that do this sorting out for them. 

Give yourself time, but also: be practical

I’m not going to imply that any of us, let alone most of us are cut out to be runners. Most of us are not so lucky that we can turn sports into a career, so most of us need a more practical approach. 

When I was in my twenties I felt stuck after studying computer science. That’s when I did some soul-searching, I looked at jobs that ran in my family and I looked at projections of job opportunities for the coming years. I opted for maybe a less glamorous job, but one with definite challenges and job security. I enrolled in physics with the aim of becoming a teacher. 

Fast forward 15 years, with me having been in the job for a little over 10 years, and I’m at a new cross-road. This time the time-constraint is less of an issue, which gives me more time to prepare a more thorough move. To give you a hint: look at the world around us (pandemic/recession/demonstrations) that was already changing in the face of discontinuity of life-long jobs, the rise of the gig-economy and the advances in AI. What do you think my next move is going to be about?

To identify any of those opportunities in life requires the kind of mind-set where you invest in getting an understanding of the world around us, figuring out who you are (sort yourself out), and using projections of future employment to your advantage. 

My point here is that none of this is humanly impossible, but it does require a willingness and certain actions on your part. That’s where it becomes essential to develop the right mind-set, because without it you will have a very hard time to stay focused in the long run. The mind-set will help you to stay on the right track.

That’s where pastimes might come in that will have an improved mind-set as a ‘side-effect’. Sports is an obvious one, and to get this benefit from sports, you don’t even need to compete in any way. Just working out regularly is enough to build discipline, to focus on something, and guess what: you will feel physically better in the long run as well. 

Besides sports you may want to look into the way you spend your free time. Of course you need your down-time to relax and recover, but you might just set some of that time apart for reading longer articles or books. Sports and reading are just two examples of habits that will set you up for the right conditions to develop the kind of mind-set that will gear you up for success. 

In summary

- sort yourself out (figure out who you are)

- aim to get a deeper understanding of the world around us.

- read far and wide (articles and books).

- engage in sports on a regular basis.

First principle: Gaze wide, aim far. 

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Gaze Finder TV: On principles & brevity

Axis pandemic – recession: how to solve social inequalities

As I’m writing this down we’re in the midst of it all: the 2020 pandemic has come down on us for a few months now, the recession with millions of job-losses has just reared its head, and in May/June demonstrations were all over to address police violence against people of color. 

The violence based on racial profiling has been systemic for years, and it has the same deep roots all over. It’s bad in so many ways, and it has been bad for so long that it almost seems that there’s no way out. That’s why it’s so important that it gets our attention, although it needs to be more than just that. 

What started these demonstrations in The States, with spinoffs in other nations, was said to be caused by the violent killing of a black man at the hands of police officers. It was hardly a singular event. A recent article came up, show-casing that this was just one in a string of events, even when narrowed down to the first months of 2020. The article gave insight in terms of extent, but it didn’t do much in terms of the larger narrative as to why people were all of a sudden so fed up that demonstrations flared up all over. 

That narrative is vast, it’s complex and it reaches far beyond the massive social awareness against injustice based on ethnicity. What got everyone involved this time wasn’t just the brutality, because there’s no doubt about that: it was brutal. 

The ‘more’ of all that has to do with the current events, mixed with what was set in motion as far back as five, ten or twenty years ago. The ‘more’ has to do with frustration about current events, about injustice of all kinds that are visible in social, economic and ethnic demographics, that are the limiting factors that are handed down to us when we’re born and put some of us at a disadvantage from that time on.

The ‘more’ is about debt, mounting costs of living, mounting costs of pursuing degrees, and the mounting impossibilities of building a better life. It’s also about what we feel that we’re entitled to and that’s just out of reach for many of us. It’s about facing uncertain times, it’s about unemployment, it’s about looming evictions, it’s about not having any substantial savings, and last and least of all: it’s about politics. 

It’s all of these things, and it’s about what it’s like to be so deep in a hole that there’s no way to crawl out no matter how much you scratch and fight. But it’s also to point out that it might just happen to any of us, and that’s were it unites, and where it builds towards an understanding of what it’s like to have reached your depth, and then to be kicked down. 

The message to ‘defund the police’ is a smart way to address politics and legislation: it moves the message beyond ‘right and wrong’, because that’s a non-debate (everyone knows and agrees that police violence is wrong). The ‘defund’ is actionable, and what it does, hopefully, is that it leaves the rotten elements without a job, eating the dust. 

Having lived on both sides of the divide, I have seen this debate up close. I was the majority back home in The West, and I have become the minority on The Island. The debate is always there, and from time to time it’s flaring up, and it very rarely moves beyond the pointing fingers of right versus wrong, where everyone agrees on the injustice, and the unrightfulness.

As an outsider (I’m not of color) I sometimes see things more clearly, and in my mind the only way to deal with those things is by securing yourself in a good job, by working towards credentials, by building generational wealth to secure a certain position and social standing. It’s the same mechanism as ‘defund the police’, where you place yourself above pity, jealousy, xenophobia, fear and the big r. Let them eat the dust. 

Of course, politics needs to do its part eventually, wrongdoers and those who are complicit need to be brought to justice, advocates towards equality need to be elected in public office, and our societies need to strive towards unity and inclusion. All of these things need to be done, but generally those are outside of our personal sphere of influence. Where it comes to our private lives, we should secure our own position, and that of our families first. 

In these times we need social inclusion on all fronts, and that’s by and large what is missing on the global political stage. Obama was about that, he was able to utilize rhetoric that unites and that moves democracy forward. That’s where you put yourself above the debate. Yes, he was a black president, but most of all he was a great president. 

In a recent op-ed of the New York Times, the writer made a case for Lincoln, and how he would have acted these days (because there’s also the pandemic and recession to consider):

Lincoln, in our darkest, most divisive hour, was able to dig deep into his soul and find the words “with malice toward none, with charity for all … let us strive on to finish the work we are in” and establish “a just and lasting peace among ourselves and with all nations.”

Great words have the power to unite when they are spoken from the heart, they express how all of us feel, and they paint the picture of how to move forward. 

Don’t expect too much from politics these days. Biden is largely unknown and he doesn’t have that stride of a great statesman. It seems to me that people will be more likely to stick with what they got in uncertain times. That’s bleak, but it might just turn out to be the reality of things. Then the question comes up: what can you do when the demonstrations are over?

Start with yourself, your family, and those that are close to you. It seems to be the only viable way, for now. Gaze wide, aim far.

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Career change in your mid 30s: some ideas to get you started

As I’m writing this down I’m 36 and I can tell you that the notion about changing things around has been on my mind for the last two years. Prior to that, I didn’t have it at all. So what’s different? Is it just the number? Or is it something more than all that? Maybe it’s just that things need time to sink in? I’m not sure, but what I am sure of is that my experience isn’t all that unique: we’re all more alike than you’d think, and that’s something that becomes more clear in this day and age. Let me paint the picture.

I have been in my current profession for over 10 years; I have been working for the same employer for almost eight and I have this feeling that I hit the ceiling. Sound familiar? Even if the length of employment isn’t the same for you, there might a similarity of being in more or less the same line of work for an extended period of time. So what should you do? 

Let me tell you what I’m planning to do, and maybe that can serve as some sort of example. What I’m doing right now is more on a meta-level and that’s what most of this article is about (the process, the shifting gears, but not much of the specifics). I’m contemplating a move, I’m in the process of devising a strategy and I have it more or less figured out how I’m going to get there. 

It’s just that this is one that isn’t for the short-term, this one slides on to the long run: I have been in the process of preparing for the last two years. The thing is just that the dynamic isn’t the same as it was five or ten years ago. Back then I was willing to break things off and start with a clean slate someplace new. I mean, I’m willing to do this, but just not in the same way… In the back of my mind I have this notion that there needs to be some sort of continuation, some sort of flow, some sort of narrative that needs to go on… Am I making sense?

I’m making steps, so if this story is about anything, then it’s about you and me being in this process together. I took my time though, and I already have some ideas. You might not be there as yet, and that’s okay. That’s why I believe that I have something to tell you that’s worth your time. Are you ready?

What’s special about the mid 30s
The mid 30s are a whole different dynamic than anything that came before. If you look online there’s advise that’s geared towards the entire decade, but being in it I can tell you that there’s more to those ten years than just advise that can be summed up for the entire decade. So what’s the substance that keeps it all together? 

On the one hand I have an increased mental and intellectual acuity, because I notice that my energies are different. I can get much more work done that requires higher level thinking and the kind of grand overview that I simply didn’t have five or ten years ago. 

I have more heft, more peace of mind, but I don’t pull it off to go for a jog or any other high intensity work-out on a daily basis. But when I go and work-out, I do so with higher intensity, and I take one or two days to rest. Maybe it was metaphorical as well, maybe before I was running from things, and maybe the simple fact is that you can only go running for so long. 

In my mid-30s I have myself more or less sorted out, and maybe in large part that is due to the fact that I have come to terms with my own limitations. Working out and sports are still my pastime of choice to blow off steam, but I did move some things around. Two years ago I started doing calisthenics, with one weekly cardio-workout. It literally gives me more strength.

Something else that has shifted is that whole notion of prosperity and posterity, which sounds more dramatic than I intend to, but it gets the message across (in that it carries the load). We all know that it’s very likely that we will have less wealth than generations that went before us. On a side-note: that might be a notion that’s subject to change, based on how it all unfolds in the coming five years. Will the recession spin into a full blown depression, and if so, will there be some sort of New Deal?

One of the things that our generation (the millennials) struggle with is that notion of the house and the home, or the house as the home. The corona pandemic might end up changing this one around, but the general take is that our generation never really wanted to settle down, never really wanted to commit. But then it’s there; that whole tendency of on some level wanting just that, but don’t wanting to commit. It’s kind of an impossibility.

There’s that old notion of freedom of the existentialists; that you can only exercise your freedom by limiting yourself. And if you mix it with some kind of warped nihilism, you might say that non-commitment is a sort of commitment, which is a sort of limiting, and well, it paints its own picture….


How you would get started in your 20s
There’s that statement that it’s okay to be broke in your twenties, and that it no longer applies when you’re past 30. Or the other one, that’s it’s ok to be living paycheck to paycheck in your 20s. It’s the ultimate non-commitment, the idea of flexibility, and the notion of only sticking around as long as it’s fun. 

If there’s one song that sums up this whole feeling, then it’s Won’t be long by one of my favorite bands of back in the days, The Hives. On a side-note, they kind of slowed down over the last few years. In July of last year (2019) they released their latest track; the beat is right on the spot, the energy is really where it’s at, but the lyrics suck: it’s an attempt at some sort of teen-spirit, but they miss by about a million miles (what they’re aiming at are the teens that we were, foregoing current teens, and that our notion of what it was like to be teens back then has evolved into something ---- grander. I believe we want to be good samaritans, because we want to be part of something larger, because we have this basic human tendency of wanting to do the right thing, because we want to believe in the basic goodness of humanity, and well, I could go on….). The song is title Good Samaritan, in case you’re interested….

Won’t be long is the better song, because it’s basically that whole notion that we only stick around for so long. In my mind it’s not about non-commitment, but it’s about only wanting to fight the big fights as long as it seems that it’s something that’s worth fighting for. Then there’s also the other dimension that links it right up with what it’s like to be growing up in a rural place, and that’s where it lines up with the kids from that great Stephen King novel IT, which more than anything is about what it’s like to grow up in some small far off place where our imaginations start running wild.

Still, I would say that Won’t be long is partly 20s, but it’s also something that applies to our 30s, because it never makes sense to be  fighting a loosing fight, or staying on a sinking ship. 
The city that they sing about is obviously also a metaphor for other large human constructs that tend to wear us down, be they jobs, relationships, habitats, bad habits, addictions and all that. And whole notion in itself just gives this song that depth and reach that just blows everything away….

How you should get started in your mid 30s
If not that, then what? Plot and scheme, that’s where I would start, and that’s where I started. In the face of current events, this is even better advise, because if you have steady employment you should definitely be practical as well: you need money to pay the bills.
While doing that, you should take your time to plot your next move, because by now you should know that all good things take time. It’s time to do some soul-searching, it’s time to make some insightful observations, and maybe try to worry a little less about what other people might think about this or that. 

What I personally have always been a little envious of is that for almost as long as I can remember, that I never was the kind of person who was obsessed about something that would keep me up day and night. A few years ago I realized that this one has more to do with me not accepting my limitations, and the very simple fact that I am my own person. 

By profession I’m an educator and when I started out I was advised to visit other educators in action to observe how they went about their business. It ended up to be the worst advise ever (besides that notion to make things fun all the time). The reason this is bad advise, is because teaching is highly individual, you build a professional relationship, utilizing your personality and quirks ---- which is uniquely you. 

Of course there are a few habits that I copied and that I still employ, but you get the picture. The same applies to that notion of me as never having had a real obsession. It is there, it always was there, it’s just that it never was the kind that would be portrayed in movies. Real people just live differently, and for example sleep 7 hours on most nights, right?

You should still look around though, and maybe look closer than you’d think. Who is more like you than anyone else? That’s right: your family, and this one is so simple that you will be like, really? Maybe, what works for them, might work for you, because the very simple fact is that more likely than not, you do share some very specific core characteristics.

Before we move on to the next part, I have to tell you about the best novel that I read in 2019. This one is about a person who is obsessed, who went deep down the rabbit hole, who lost himself, and was in the process of crawling out. It was 700 pages and I read it in three days. It pulled me in like very few works of fiction ever did, because it was great art, and even though it was a little too artsy in places for my taste, the story that was told in the footnotes was an account of what it’s actually like to go so deep that you’re crushing and obliterating the bottom of the pit. 

What this work does most of all, is that it gives an account of what it’s like to go off the deep end, and by that I mean way off. It’s a stream of consciousness that only makes sense when it’s consumed in an obsessive streak. This great work is titled House of Leaves and if it does anything, it transports you to a different place, and it will help you to look just a little different at the world around us. That’s what change, and really, any change comes down to: getting different perspectives to look at the same problem. 

Won’t be long and House of Leaves are just two cultural expressions that do more than just entertain: they help us understand ourselves and the world around us. To put it in terms of psychology: these works change our perspectives and by doing so they make us more complex; the baseline idea is that self-complexity builds the kind of resilience that will cause us to be able to carry on in the face of adversity.

Because, let’s face it, in our 30s our lives are less about ourselves, and we have spouses, kids, family, close friends who depend on us as well. That’s why it’s essential to have that strength and peace of mind, and also the practical side of that: stability. And part of that stability is the very simple fact that you need a steady cash flow. So yes, if you’re stuck in your career, you owe it to yourself and those around you to explore different options, because in the end a better job will help you to thrive. 

But at the same time, you shouldn’t make an erratic move without having made a long-term plan and strategies in place. Especially in these days, with a recession and high unemployment. If you have a steady job, you might just consider sticking with it for a few more years, while preparing a move for when things turn around. 

In summary
Of course I’m just scratching the surface here, but still it makes sense to sum things up:
- mid 30s are a whole different dynamic with more mental acuity for more complex tasks.
- mid 30s are a time to plan ahead in the long-term.
- gaining different perspectives builds self-complexity and resilience in the face of adversity.
- mid 30s are no longer just about ourselves, but there might be spouses, kids, family and good friends to consider.
- don’t make an erratic move, but prepare for the long-term by soul-searching and figuring out what works for those that are most like us (our families).
- aim to realize what you have always dreamed of doing, but always thought you couldn’t do. With greater mental acuity and a larger perspective, that will come easier.

This should at least be something to get you started.
If you want more of this: check out my series Gaze wide, aim far.

Leave any questions or comments below. 
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